: A satirical tale about a peculiar Russian hacked "paradise" that appeared after the explosion in the twentieth century. The explosion destroyed the bonds of civilization and caused the mutation of the Russian language and the people themselves.
All chapters are named with the letters of the Old Russian alphabet.
The action takes place in Moscow after the explosion in the twentieth century. More than two hundred years have passed since then. The capital is called by the name of the chief - the Greatest Murza, now Fedor-Kuzmichsk. Thanks to Fedor Kuzmich, all the simple darlings thank him: he came up with letters, a wheel, catch mice, a rocker. Behind him, small murzes stand, over darlings.
Many who were born after the Explosion have Consequences: for example, one and a half faces, or ears throughout the body, or cocks, or something else. Remained after the explosion and the Former - those who were before him. The third century already lives and does not age. Looks like mother Benedict: she lived two hundred and thirty years, and she was still young until she was poisoned. The main source is that the fire brings to every house, Nikita Ivanovich, also from the Former. He was already an old man before the Explosion, coughed everything. And now breathing fire as it will be warm in the houses: the whole Fedor-Kuzmichsk depends on it. Benedict also wanted to become a Stoker, but his mother insisted that her son go to scribes: she had ONEVERSETSKY ABRAZAVANIE, even if Benya knows the letter. Father hardly pulls his mother by the hair, "and the neighbors - not gu-gu: right, the husband is teaching his wife."
Benedict sometimes asked his mother: why and why the explosion was? She really didn’t know. As if people were playing and playing out with ARUJA.
On the way to work, Benedict meets the reincarnation: “They are terrible, and you won’t understand whether they are people or not: the face is like a person’s, the body is covered with wool, and they run around on all fours. And on each leg is a felt boot. They, they say, even before the Explosion, they lived, they were degenerates. ”
But the worst thing is Kys: “A man will go into the forest like that, and she’s going to his neck from behind: hop! and teeth ridge: crunch! - And with the claw the main thing will feel and break the vein, and the whole mind will leave the person. He’ll come back like that, and he’s not the same, and his eyes are not the same, and he goes without taking the road, as it happens, for example, when people walk in a dream under the moon with their arms outstretched and move their fingers: they sleep, but they walk. ” True, Nikita Ivanovich says that there is no Kissi, they say, invented by ignorance.
Hit the mallet - the working day begins in Izba. Benedict rewrites on birch bark the works of the Greatest Murza, Fedor Kuzmich, glory to him. About Kolobok or Ryaba. Or some poems. Olenka draws drawings, beloved is beloved, “she is dressed in a fur coat with a rabbit’s coat, she goes to work in a sleigh - it’s obvious that the family is noble”.
There are also old books that were printed in the old days. In the dark they glow, sort of like from radiation. Illness, God forbid, God forbid, it may be from them: how they find out that a darling keeps an old-printed book in his possession, Orderlies on Red Sleigh follow him. The orderlies are afraid as if they were afraid: after their treatment no one returned home. Beni's mother had an old-printed book, but her father burned it.
Hit the Beater - lunch. Everyone goes to the Dining Room. There is a mouse soup. The employee is a scary little darling with cock scallops! - having lunch with Benedict at the table. She loves art, she knows a lot of poetry. He asks about the “horse”, which is mentioned in the verses of Fyodor Kuzmich - an unfamiliar word. This mouse probably meets Benedict. She says that Fyodor Kuzmich, thank him, as if different voices are heard in different verses.
Once Fyodor Kuzmich arrived in Rabochy Izba, glory to him. The largest Murza Bene is knee-deep by a sprout. Olenka on her knees - jump! And everyone hears, reverent. And in Izba, as a sin, the fire went out - netuti. Sent for the Main Stoker.Fyodor Kuzmich, thank him, presented his picture to Izba - “The Demon” is called. Afterwards, Nikita Ivanovich appeared - he gasped for fire so that the heat became. He is not afraid of anyone, and the light is always with him. Although the whole earth damn can burn!
It turns out the Decree of the Great Murza to celebrate the New Year on March 1. Benedict prepares: catches mice at home, then changes them in the market for different goodies. You can exchange birch bark mice and books. You can buy for plaques. They stand behind the plaques in lines in the night - they get paid for work. If someone fell asleep - they’ll take him under mikitka and drag him to the end of the line. But he wakes up - they don’t know anything. Well here screams, fights, all kinds of mutilations. Then, from the received plaques, the state should pay the tax in a different window.
Yes, it doesn’t work out to enjoy the hotel: Ben already seems to be in the hut, as if Kys was approaching. And just then Nikita Ivanovich is knocking on the door - saving, darling, from Kissi. Week Benedict spends in a fever, Misses New Year. Nikita Ivanovich all the time with him - cooks, cares. Eh, Bena needs a family, woman. So as not to be distracted by “felosophy”. True, he goes to the women to spin and somersault. But that is not it.
Here a new decree comes out: on March 8, congratulate all the women and not clatter. Benedict and congratulates on this day all the women at work, including Olenka, asks her hands and hearts. “I take” - the lapushka answers with agreement.
A woman with scallops is inviting guests. In her hut, she shows Bene an old-printed book. What they rewrite was not composed by Fyodor Kuzmich, but by different former people - Nikita Ivanovich told. And there is no Illness from books of old. The startled Benedict runs away.
Nikita Ivanovitch puts his hopes on Benya - they say that mother was educated, and her son has the makings. He asks him to carve out some kind of Pushkin from the tree. Pushkin is our everything, he says. Benedict does not understand much - then these Former curse with unfamiliar words, then they do not like jokes. And what wonderful games there are! Rope, for example. One in the dark jumps on others from the stove. He will break something to someone, and if he doesn’t jump on anyone, he will break himself:
If any member hurts me, it will cause damage to the body ... it’s not funny ... But if it is for me. And if it’s different, then it’s funny.
Little by little Benya begins to work on Pushkin. It turns out that Beni has a tail: is this a consequence? A normal person should not have it. We have to agree to chop it off.
He meets Olenkin’s parents. It turns out that her father is the Chief orderly. The whole family has claws, under the table they scratch: The consequence is this.
After the wedding, he moves to a huge tower to his wife's parents. He stopped going to work: why? Father-in-law enlightens him: people burn printed books from ignorance. Now Benedict uses a huge library of old books and reads bingo everything. "Iliad", "Ass fool. Color yourself ”,“ Electric Traction ”,“ Black Prince ”,“ Cipollino ”,“ Beekeeping ”,“ Red and Black ”,“ Blue and Green ”,“ Crimson Island ”- at his disposal. After reading all the books, he is horrified: what to do now ?! Finally he notices his wife: for a week he is playing tricks with Olenka, and then he starts to get bored again.
Benya with his father-in-law rides on the Sanitary Sleigh for people - to withdraw books. One darling Benedict accidentally kills with a hook. Searches at all. Desperate, Benya comes to ask Nikita Ivanovich. But the Stoker does not give the book: the ABC of life, he says, has not yet mastered.
Father-in-law incites Benedict to make a revolution. They kill Fedor Kuzmich, thank him, they throw off the tyrant. The father-in-law becomes the chief - the General Sanitary, writes the first decree: "I will live in Krasnaya Terema with doubled security", "Do not come up to a hundred arshins, who will come - just hook without talking." The city will henceforth be magnified by its name. Second Freedom Decree:
... freedom on the left ... or again ... I can’t make out.
They decided: there will be freedom of assembly - in three, no more.Benedict at first wants to allow old printed books to read to my darlings, and then changes her mind: I suppose they will tear out sheets or throw books. Nothing!
Olenka gives birth to triplets. One of the offspring - a lump, immediately falls and rolls into some kind of gap. And so it disappears. Benedict and father-in-law are quarreling, the son-in-law of the Chief orderly is sitting away: it smells bad from that mouth. Father-in-law calls Benya Kysyu in revenge. But the truth is: Beni even had a tail! And a man felt a vein!
General Nurse decides to execute Nikita Ivanovich, no longer need the Stoker. One reborn man knows where gas can be obtained, an orderly from the eyes will spark a spark from the beam - and there will be fire.
The source is tied to Pushkin and they want to set fire to. But he releases a flame and burns all Fedor-Kuzmichsk. Benedict escapes in a pit from a fire and asks: “Why aren’t you burned for something?” - "And reluctance." Nikita Ivanovich with a friend from the Former take to the air.
